When Was the Word “Obey” Removed from Wedding Vows? A Look at Changing Traditions

The word “obey” in wedding vows has a long history, but many people wonder when it was actually removed. During the 1970s, the Catholic Church dropped the word “obey” from its wedding vows. This change reflected a shift towards viewing marriage as a partnership based on mutual love and respect rather than hierarchy.

A couple stands before an officiant, exchanging vows. The officiant omits the word "obey" from the traditional wedding vows

You might find it interesting that the removal of “obey” has been a topic of discussion among couples for decades. As societal attitudes toward marriage evolved, many couples began to modify traditional vows to better fit their beliefs and values.

In this article, you’ll discover the reasons behind this change and how it has affected modern wedding ceremonies. Understanding the history of wedding vows can add a new layer of meaning to your special day.

Historical Context of the Phrase ‘Obey’ in Wedding Vows

A bride and groom exchanging vows, the groom looking expectantly as the officiant hesitates before omitting the word "obey."

The phrase “obey” in wedding vows has deep roots in history, reflecting societal norms and gender roles that have changed significantly over time. Understanding the origins and shifts surrounding this word helps clarify why its presence in vows has been questioned and, in many cases, removed.

Origins of ‘Obey’ in Traditional Wedding Vows

The word “obey” has its origins in traditional wedding vows dating back centuries. It symbolized the expectations of women to submit to their husbands, echoing attitudes prevalent in patriarchal societies. In many cultures, the vow was seen as a commitment by the bride to honor and follow her husband’s decisions.

This concept was included in many historical wedding ceremonies, often influenced by religious teachings. The language in traditional vows reflected societal views where women were expected to be obedient. The phrasing indicated a clear power dynamic between spouses, placing men in a dominant role.

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Influence of the Church of England and Book of Common Prayer

Much of the formal use of “obey” in wedding vows can be traced to the Church of England and its Book of Common Prayer. When the Book was first published in 1549, it included vows where brides promised to “obey” their husbands.

This wording was widely accepted in Christian ceremonies for centuries. The Church of England’s influence meant that many couples adopted these vows without question, seeing them as standard practice. It wasn’t until reforms began in the 20th century that this language faced scrutiny and change.

Women’s Suffragist Movement and Societal Norm Shifts

The women’s suffragist movement played a crucial role in changing how marriage vows were perceived. As women fought for equal rights and recognition, traditional ideas began to be challenged. Society started to acknowledge the importance of partnership in marriage based on mutual respect and love.

By the 1970s, many religious organizations, including the Catholic Church, began to revise their wedding vows. The removal of “obey” reflected a growing understanding of gender equality and the desire for egalitarian relationships. This shift marked a significant change in how vows represented the dynamics of marriage.

The Evolution of Marriage Ceremonies and Vows

A bride and groom exchanging vows at an altar, with a celebrant officiating. The bride no longer includes the word "obey" in her vows

Marriage ceremonies and vows have changed significantly over time. These changes reflect new beliefs about love, partnership, and the roles of individuals within a marriage. Let’s explore how these transformations shaped modern wedding vows.

Catholic Church and the Second Vatican Council Reforms

In the 1970s, major changes in the Catholic Church affected wedding vows. The Second Vatican Council led to a new rite of marriage that emphasized mutual love and respect. As part of these liturgical reforms, the term “obey” was removed from the bride’s vows. This shift recognized the growing understanding of marriage as an equal partnership, where both spouses support and love one another.

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With these reforms, traditional phrases like “love, honor, and cherish” became more prominent. This change aimed to create a sacrament that honors both partners equally. The focus moved away from hierarchy towards cooperation and companionship, reflecting more modern views of marriage.

Rising Popularity of Personalized Wedding Vows

In recent years, many couples have turned to personalized wedding vows. You might find that these vows allow more expression of individual feelings and experiences. They often include promises that resonate more personally than traditional vows.

This trend emphasizes what matters most to you as a couple. Some individuals might choose to acknowledge their specific journey or shared dreams in their vows. Personalized vows reflect not only love but the unique bond that you share. This customized approach signifies a departure from rigid structures, creating a more personal marriage ceremony.

Inclusion of Mutual Love and Respect in Modern Vows

Today’s marriage vows focus heavily on mutual love and respect. Many couples seek language that reflects equality, understanding, and support for each other. This shift highlights the importance of both partners committing to nurturing their relationship.

Both love and respect are cornerstones in modern vows. These commitments show how you both promise to uplift and care for each other in life’s journey. Couples may include specific promises about their future, emphasizing teamwork and partnership, which were sometimes absent in traditional vows. This direction illustrates how far marriage vows have come in embracing equality and love.

Notable Ceremonies and the Departure from ‘Obey’

A wedding altar with two figures facing each other, surrounded by flowers and candles. The word "obey" has been crossed out in the wedding vows

The shift away from the word “obey” in wedding vows reflects broader changes in society and traditions. Key events involving public figures and religious ceremonies have driven this change, influencing how vows are understood today.

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Public Figures and Their Impact on Wedding Vows

When public figures marry, their ceremonies often set trends. For example, when Kate Middleton and Prince William wed in 2011, they opted for a modern ceremony that reflected mutual respect. Their vows did not include “obey,” showing a shift towards equality in marriage.

Such choices resonate with many couples. They inspire a trend toward personalized vows that convey partnership and love. Many now create custom vows that represent their relationship better than traditional ones.

Shift in Wedding Vows within Religious Ceremonies

Religious institutions have also adapted to societal changes. The Catholic Church and the Church of England are among those that have revised their wedding ceremonies. In the 1970s, the Catholic Church removed “obey” from the rite of marriage.

This change aimed to reflect a partnership based on love and respect within marriages. Similar changes were made in other religious contexts, as many sought to modernize their practices to better align with contemporary values.

The Role of the Episcopal and Anglican Communion

The Episcopal Church was one of the first to alter wedding vows. They removed “obey” as early as 1922 from the brides’ vows. This indicated a recognition of women’s rights and the importance of equality in relationships.

The Anglican Communion followed suit with similar changes. This provided couples with vows that focus on partnership rather than hierarchy. These shifts are part of a larger movement toward inclusive language in religious ceremonies, making weddings more reflective of modern beliefs.