How Much Do You Give for a Wedding Gift If Not Attending? Deciding Your Contribution

When you receive a wedding invitation and realize you won’t be able to attend the special day, one of the first questions you might ask is whether or not to send a gift. The etiquette around wedding gifts can be tricky, especially when it comes to a wedding you won’t be physically present for. It’s widely considered a thoughtful gesture to send a gift regardless of attendance to honor the couple’s new beginning.

A wrapped gift box with a decorative bow and a card on a table

The amount you choose to spend on a wedding gift can depend on several factors, including your relationship with the couple, your personal budget, and cultural expectations. While there is no obligation to give a gift when not attending a wedding, if you decide to do so, it’s common to weigh these considerations. Providing a gift even in your absence can be a meaningful way to show you care and wish the couple well. It’s not always about the monetary value but the sentiment behind the gesture that holds significance.

Key Takeaways

  • Sending a gift is a considerate gesture even when not attending the wedding.
  • Your relationship with the couple and budget are guidelines for the gift’s value.
  • A gift can express good wishes to the couple despite your absence.

Understanding Wedding Gift Etiquette

A beautifully wrapped gift box with a ribbon and a card, surrounded by elegant wedding decor

Navigating wedding gift etiquette can be tricky, especially when you’re unable to attend the special day. Knowing the proper protocol can help ensure your gift reflects your good wishes and respect for the couple’s celebration.

The Basics of Wedding Gift Giving

When to send a gift: Traditionally, a wedding gift should be sent before the wedding day or up to three months after the occasion. It’s a sign of courtesy and congratulations to the couple.

Registry matters: If the couple has a registry, it’s a helpful guide for picking out a gift. Opting for something on their list ensures you’re getting them something they want or need.

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Budgeting for the gift: Your relationship with the couple can guide your budget. Acquaintances typically spend less, while close family members may choose to spend more.

Etiquette for Non-Attendees

Sending a gift is optional but considerate: If you’re not going to the wedding, you’re not obligated to send a gift; however, it’s a thoughtful gesture to do so if your budget allows.

Reflect on your relationship: Your connection to the couple could sway your decision. Are they close friends or distant relatives? Consider what feels appropriate given the nature of your relationship.

By keeping these guidelines in mind, you can gracefully navigate the nuances of wedding gift etiquette, whether you’re celebrating from afar or in spirit.

Determining the Appropriate Gift Amount

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When you’re not attending a wedding, deciding how much to spend on a gift can be a delicate balance. Your budget and relationship with the couple are the main factors to consider.

Budget Considerations

First, assess your budget. It’s important to stay within a range that feels comfortable for you financially. You’re not expected to stretch your finances for a wedding gift. The average wedding gift amount is a good baseline to start with, but always prioritize your own budget over any suggested amounts. For instance, guests often spend around $50 to $150 on a wedding gift, depending on their budget.

Relationship With the Couple

The nature of your relationship with the couple plays a critical role in deciding the gift amount. For example, if the couple are close friends or family members, you might consider giving more, as intimate relationships often warrant a more generous gift. Conversely, a smaller gift is generally acceptable for someone with whom you have a less personal relationship, like acquaintances. Remember, the sentiment behind the gift is what truly counts, not the dollar amount.

Gift Ideas for Couples

A beautifully wrapped gift box with a card, envelope, and a decorative bow, placed on a table with a wedding invitation and a pen

When you’re not able to attend a wedding, sending a gift is a thoughtful way to show your happiness for the couple’s new journey. Whether you choose something from their registry, give a cash gift, or select a unique present that reflects their tastes, your gift will surely be appreciated.

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Registry and Off-Registry Options

When exploring wedding gift ideas, a good starting point is the couple’s wedding registry. This list is curated by the couple, so you know these items are desired.

  • Registry Gifts:

    • Stick to the registry for tried-and-true favorites.
    • Group gifts are great for higher-priced items on the registry.
  • Off-Registry Gifts:

    • Consider off-registry items as a personal touch to your gift.
    • Gift cards allow couples to choose according to their preferences.

Creative and Unique Presents

For a memorable and distinctive touch, creative and unique presents can stand out among traditional gifts.


  • Personalized Options: Monogrammed or custom-made items to align with the couple’s taste.



  • Experience Gifts: Think outside the box with a gift card for a cooking class, wine tasting, or a weekend getaway.


  • Artisanal Choices:

    • Handcrafted goods can provide an intimate sentiment.
    • Local artists or craftsmen could create a physical gift with character.

Remember, your wedding present, whether a cash gift or an off-registry item, is a symbol of your well wishes and should align with both your budget and the couple’s tastes and preferences.

The Process of Sending Your Gift

A gift box with a ribbon tied around it, a wedding invitation, and a blank check with a pen next to it

When you’re not able to attend a wedding, sending a gift is a thoughtful way to show the couple your warm wishes. We’ll guide you through crafting a personal note and ensuring your gift is presented and delivered in the best possible way.

Writing a Thoughtful Note

Begin with a personalized note expressing your congratulations and well wishes. Whether you’re selecting a check or a unique item from the couple’s registry, adding a heartfelt note makes it more special. Mention specific joys, like contributing to a honeymoon fund or a future home, to show that you’ve given your gift thoughtful consideration.

Gift Presentation and Delivery

Presentation: If you’re sending a cash gift, a decorative card or envelope adds a personal touch. For physical gifts or group wedding gifts, consider the couple’s style and wrap accordingly.

Delivery: Directly mail your gift to the address provided on the registry or the couple’s home. For destination weddings, mailing it to their home is often more convenient for the couple. If you’re contributing to a cash or honeymoon fund, these can often be sent digitally. Remember to keep track for your records and in anticipation of receiving an acknowledgment for your generosity.

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Frequently Asked Questions

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When it comes to wedding gifts, it’s natural to question what amount is appropriate or what the expectations are if you’re not able to attend. Below, you’ll find answers to some common queries to help guide your gift-giving decisions.

What is considered an appropriate amount to give for a wedding gift when not attending?

An appropriate wedding gift amount when you’re not attending can vary, but it’s thoughtful to consider the nature of your relationship with the couple. You might choose to give something in the range of $50 to $100 or perhaps more if you’re close to the bride or groom.

Is it customary to send a wedding gift even if I am unable to attend?

Yes, it’s customary to send a wedding gift even if you can’t be present. Sending a gift conveys your well wishes and recognition of the couple’s special occasion.

What are some guidelines for sending a monetary wedding gift when not present?

When sending a monetary gift, starting at around $100 is advisable, adjusting the amount based on your budget and closeness to the couple.

What should I write in a card when giving money as a wedding gift?

Include a personal note expressing your congratulations, well wishes, and perhaps a brief explanation for your absence, alongside the monetary wedding gift to add a heartfelt touch.

What is the etiquette for giving wedding gifts to colleagues when not attending their ceremony?

When gifting colleagues, a safe range is between $50 and $100, with the exact amount depending on your working relationship and budget.

How soon should I send a wedding gift if I cannot attend the event?

Ideally, you should send your wedding gift within three months following the wedding, though traditionally you have up to a year to do so.

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